“Tell It To The King” a short story
It all begins with an idea.
It was Thursday, eleven fifty. I had just finished with my classes, because it was spring, which meant I'd scheduled my classes early in the morning so I could enjoy the afternoon sun. I had begun to drive home in the family station wagon--it was one of those station wagons you see mothers loading groceries into at the QFC--at least, that's what my mother always used it for. It's American. I don't think any foreign companies make station wagons anymore. They're not very practical overseas.
I was driving off campus along the aptly named 'University Boulevard', which is pretty much a straight shot home for me, and I was day dreaming about what I could do this afternoon, when I thought I spotted Dave Lear walking along the sidewalk. I hadn't seen Dave in over a year, so at first I wasn't sure whether it was him or not. He was heading in my direction, so it was one of those things where you spot them from behind, and you say, "Is that him? That can't be him. That is him!"
Our eyes caught as we passed--I think it's a law of physics, where you look at everyone you pass, and where you have to look at everyone who passes you. I don't know why I'm always compelled, I guess I'm just curious. Either that, or I'm just easily distracted.
I pulled over. We had always been pretty good friends, so I was interested in what he'd been doing in the last year. He was running up to the car, but before I could roll down the window, he had opened the passenger side door, hopped in, and buckled himself in. I was astonished, but I guess I should have expected it: I never use the electric locks.
I was about to ask him how he was when he asked me, "Do you always pick up strange hitchhikers?"
A very Learian greeting.
I agreed with the strange part, but not so much with the hitch hiker part, and I told him so. He laughed, and I pulled back into traffic. I had the time, so I might as well drive him where ever he's going.
I kept looking over at him. He was quiet--more so than I expected him to be, and his eyes were constantly studying me. I wondered if I'd changed much in a year. He kept smiling.
Dave had a sardonic smile. It always seemed to say, "I know something, but I'm not going to tell you what." I suppose if it didn't bother me so much, I might actually think it was cute.
"So where are we going, Megan?" He asked.
"To my parents house."
"Good. I think it's about time I met your parents."
"You've met my parents."
He smiled his little smile again. "Well, I suppose we could always drive out to the country to your grand parents. I haven't met them yet."
"That's over an hour away, and anyway, I don't think they're home."
He kept smiling. "Where am I taking you, anyway?" I asked.
"Anywhere. You lead. I'll follow."
Dave's eyes kept studying me, as if he wanted to know something. His mouth was poised in that smile. It's always been impossible to get a straight answer out of him. I wondered what was going through his head, or if I'd ever know. God, I wish he'd tell me.
"So what have you been up to, Dave? How's school?"
"You know, I had a feeling I'd be seeing you soon."
"You did? Why's that?"
"I don't know. It was just a feeling. Clairvoyance: It's a gift."
"Mr. Rational. You believe in clairvoyance? How about the stars and fate?"
"You should never mock science--especially cracker box science. It's the most dangerous, you know."
"Dave? Where are we going?"
"Well, since you asked, I was thinking we catch a show, have a late dinner in this cozy little Italian restaurant I know, and then catch a one o'clock shuttle to Vegas where we can have Elvis officiate over our nuptials."
"What?"
"Okay, so it won't really be the King, since he's dead, but some impersonator. I hear they're pretty good. They even sing." Dave sang: "Love me tender, love me sweet, love me like a ton of bricks, love me 'til I'm beat."
"Actually, I meant 'where am I taking you?'"
"well, let's see? Do you need to pack? I suppose you do. You'll probably want to tell your folks you're going away for the weekend. Maybe even call work. I wouldn't want us to come home from our honeymoon and find my wife's been fired. How would we make ends meet? So I guess we'll want to go to your house while we get ready."
"I'm serious, Dave."
"Of course you are, Megan. You always are. But I've been Gustave Flaubert for an entire week, trying to think up the right words. I got a thousand bucks in my pocket which says we fly to Vegas and get married tonight."
"You do not."
"Well, I will if we can stop by my bank. It's first mutual."
"If you're so set on thin, where's my ring?"
"Okay, I swear this is the truth: It's in my other coat."
"How can you propose to someone and not even have the ring?"
"Well, we can stop by and get it, honey. I certainly don't plan to marry you without it."
I remember thinking that this was ridiculous. I hadn't seen Dave in a year, and here he was proposing to me. I've always liked Dave, but marriage? Why would I marry him, when all he can do is make me laugh? Yet, why shouldn't I marry him, when he always make me laugh? I certainly didn't think I'd be contemplating marriage when I got up this morning.
Instead, I kept thinking that I had homework to do, and that I didn't have time to get married. I had all these reasons why I couldn't do it. I kept thinking how weird it was, right up until Elvis asked me if I did. And I did.
THE END
Seinfeld Spec Script (1993)
It all begins with an idea.
SEINFELD SPEC SCRIPT
written by
Casey P. Chinn
Sept. 1993
Casey P. Chinn
FADE IN:
INT. GYMNASIUM. EVENING.
JERRY, GEORGE and KRAMER are playing three on three
bsaketball. JERRY passes the ball to GEORGE at the top of the
key. The ball bounces off of GEORGE'S hands, and he is
forced to run it down while his defender also chases after
it. When GEORGE retrieves the ball, he is now past the half
court line. His defender bares down on him. GEORGE turns
and shoots the ball, even though he would have plenty of room
to maneuver. JERRY and KRAMER watch the ball come down short
of the hoop. Both are thinking 'Chucker'.
CUT TO:
INT. LOCKER ROOM. EVENING.
JERRY, GEORGE and KRAMER are changing from after the game.
JERRY
I haven't seen Keith Hernandez around
here, lately . . .
GEORGE
Of course you haven't. You two have
broken up.
KRAMER
He may have absolved himself to me and
Newman, but I still don't trust the guy!
JERRY
Just because we don't do much together
doesn't mean we aren't friends.
GEORGE
You broke up. Just leave it at that!
JERRY
You act like you can't see someone
anymore, just because you aren't seeing
them anymore.
KRAMER
Oh, I like that sentence. It's got
rhythm.
GEORGE
You can't. That's what it means to be
broken up.
(CONTINUED)
JERRY
Let me see if I've got this straight:
you're saying that if you break up with
someone, you can no longer see them ever.
GEORGE
Exactly. It would be an infringement of
their space.
JERRY
I don't buy it.
KRAMER
Me neither. Just look at you and Elaine.
JERRY
My point exactly! We broke up, but we've
still remained friends.
KRAMER
They have not missed a step.
GEORGE
That's good for you and Elaine, but
you're an anomaly. That just isn't done
in the real world.
KRAMER
Why not?
JERRY
And just when did you become an expert on
the real world? The only thing you know
about the real world is that it's a show
on MTV.
GEORGE
That shows how much you know! It's two
shows, cause there's an east coast family
and a west coast family.
JERRY
East and West coast families? What are
they Sicilians?
GEORGE
Anyway, everybody knows there's an
etiquette for breaking up. You have to
follow it!
KRAMER
An etiquette?
2.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
GEORGE
Okay, maybe more of a protocol . . .
JERRY
Oh, a protocol. Well, that's more like
it! And how, exactly, did you learn of
this protocol, which has hitherto eluded
myself and Kramer?
GEORGE
By breaking up with people.
JERRY
So all the time you were breaking up with
people it was really just for research
purposes?
GEORGE
Very funny. Ha, ha!
JERRY
Tell me, sir, I know you've gotten your
bachelor's degree, but are you still
seeking your Ph.D.?
KRAMER
Oh, he's off to the races. Whoosh!
GEORGE
Oh, you guys are a couple of cards! You
should listen to me on this, because I do
have more experience in this! Your
expertise is comedy, and yours is, well,
being yourself. Eric Clapton's is the
guitar. Alfred Hitchcock's was film,
Nestles was chocolate, but this, this
baby is mine, and no one will ever be
able to take it away from me!
JERRY
I can't see there being too many
challengers.
GEORGE
Not at all, baby! This is my throne by
divine right!
KRAMER
There will be no coup d'état!
GEORGE
Let no man tare asunder!
3.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
JERRY
I will not try to usurp the throne of our
beloved ruler.
GEORGE
Thank you. Anyway, there is this protocol
in which it is stated that once you break
up with someone, you must not only stop
seeing them, but you must avoid them at
all costs.
KRAMER
At all costs?
JERRY
Is this the Magna Carta or the Tabla
Rasa?
GEORGE ignores JERRY'S comment and continues to talk to
KRAMER.
GEORGE
If you and I had broken up, and were
heading towards one another on the
street, one of us would have to turn
around and walk the other way.
KRAMER
The complete opposite direction!
GEORGE
Or cross the street.
JERRY
And who, pray tell, told you all this?
GEORGE
Every girl I ever dated.
JERRY
Then it must be true!
GEORGE
Exactly.
KRAMER
Ten thousand Elvis fans can't be wrong!
JERRY
Did it ever occur to you that maybe it
was just some sort of a hint?
4.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
GEORGE
As if breaking up isn't a big enough hint
that someone doesn't want to see you . .
.
JERRY
Touché. Turtle.
GEORGE
I don't need to be hit over the head with
a brick, you know!
JERRY
God knows you don't need that.
KRAMER closes his locker door.
KRAMER
Let's get out of here. I'm hungry.
JERRY
You're always hungry.
KRAMER
You don't want me to starve, do you?
GEORGE
Heaven forbid that you might become
emaciated.
The three begin to leave the locker room.
KRAMER
Exactly. You don't understand how hard it
is to maintain my svelte figure.
GEORGE considers the word "Svelte".
JERRY
Evidently not.
CUT TO:
INT. THE LOBBY OF THE HEALTH CLUB. NIGHT.
GEORGE, JERRY and KRAMER walk out of the locker room and into
the lobby. GEORGE stops to stare at a GIRL at the drinking
fountain. She is wearing a short denim skirt, a white blouse
and cowboy boots.
GEORGE
Will you look at that?
5.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
JERRY
I think you've done enough for the three
of us.
GEORGE
There should be a law . . .
JERRY
There is . . .
KRAMER
Or at the very least, you'll get maced.
GEORGE continues to stare, prompting JERRY to physically drag
GEORGE out the door. All the while, GEORGE'S eyes do not
leave the GIRL.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. GEORGE'S CAR. NIGHT.
GEORGE drives, while JERRY sits in the passenger seat and
KRAMER sulks in the back seat.
GEORGE
I just don't know what it is about a girl
in boots . . .
KRAMER
I can't believe I have to sit back here!
There's no leg room!
JERRY
Kramer, will you quit sulking! You had
your chance to get the front seat, and
you lost.
KRAMER
I called shot gun first.
GEORGE
It was a tie.
KRAMER
Et tu, Brutus?
GEORGE
How many times do I have to tell you: no
Latin in my car!
JERRY
I'm sorry you have to sit in back,
Kramer, but I won the tie-breakers fair
and square!
6.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
KRAMER
I think you cheated.
JERRY
Cheated? How could I have cheated?
JERRY acts out his victories as he lists them.
JERRY (cont’d)
I beat you two out of three times on rock
scissors paper. I Beat you at Bear
Hunter, I won the three legged race. I
won the coin toss, the Heisman pose, and
odd man out! The only way I could deserve
to be sitting here more, is by having an
amulet around my neck prescribing divine
right!
KRAMER
I still think it was fixed!
JERRY throws up his arms, exasperated with the argument. The
car grows silent. Slowly GEORGE begins to turn into a
McDONALDS Drive through line.
KRAMER (cont’d)
Hey! What are you doing?
GEORGE
You said you were hungry, so we're gonna
go through the drive through.
JERRY
You don't go to McDonalds after playing
basketball.
GEORGE
Why not? Michael Jordan does.
JERRY
And I suppose you've seen Michael Jordan
at a McDonalds having a Coke and a Big
Mac after a game?
GEORGE
Of course I haven't, but there have been
plenty of sightings up in the windy city.
JERRY
There have not.
KRAMER
The whole point of exercising is to do
something healthy for your body. You
7.
CONTINUED:
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
don't do something good for it and then
turn around and do something bad to it.
That . . . That . . .
JERRY
Defeats the whole purpose of exercising.
KRAMER
Exactly.
JERRY
It's Indian Giving!
KRAMER
That puts you at neutral buoyancy in a
world where you need to be floating on
the surface.
JERRY
Nice metaphor.
GEORGE
I didn't know you had it in you.
KRAMER
Yeah, well, that's just because It's got
me so worked up. I'm serious!
Another car pulls in behind them.
GEORGE
Well, we're stuck, now, so we might as
well make the best of it.
The car pulls up to the remote order board.
MCDONALDS WORKER
Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your
order, please?
GEORGE
What do you guys want?
KRAMER
My body's a temple, I can't put a burger
in it!
GEORGE
Then have a salad.
KRAMER
Why would you go to a McDonalds for a
salad?
8.
CONTINUED:
KRAMER (cont'd)
(CONTINUED)
JERRY leans across GEORGE to order.
JERRY
I'll have a milk, some cookies, and the
Garden salad with blue cheese dressing.
KRAMER
Oh, get me a pie!
GEORGE
What kind of pie?
KRAMER
Key lime!
JERRY
What are you talking about? Key lime pie!
This is a McDonalds! You'll be lucky to
get a shamrock shake this time of year!
KRAMER
Okay! Okay! How about lemon meringue?
GEORGE
You can have apple or cherry. Those are
your pie choices.
KRAMER
What if I don't want apple or cherry?
JERRY
Then don't get the pie
KRAMER sits back exasperated.
KRAMER
But you've got me in a pie mood.
GEORGE
I'd like to order a number three meal.
MCDONALDS WORKER
What would you like to drink with that?
GEORGE
Do you have Mr. Pibb? I'm in a Mr. Pibb
mood.
MCDONALDS WORKER
We've got Dr. Pepper.
GEORGE
I'll go with the pepper.
9.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
KRAMER
I want the apple pie.
GEORGE
And an apple pie.
MCDONALDS WORKER
Okay, I have a number three meal, with a
Dr. Pepper. An apple pie, a garden salad
with blue cheese dressing, a milk, and a
box of McDonald land cookies.
GEORGE
Now, if I add fifty cents can I get that
Jurassic size?
MCDONALDS WORKER
We're no longer running that special.
GEORGE
But I'm really in the mood for a Jurassic
sized fry.
MCDONALDS WORKER
I'm sorry, but that promotion is no
longer running. Perhaps you'd like to
order a small fry in addition. That works
out to about the same amount of fries as
a Jurassic fry.
GEORGE
When did that promotion end, anyway?
MCDONALDS WORKER
About two weeks ago.
GEORGE
And you're telling me you have no more
containers left for Jurassic sized fries?
MCDONALDS WORKER
No we don't. And even if we did we
couldn't sell them.
GEORGE
Well, I can't order two fries . . .
JERRY
Then just get one!
GEORGE
Okay! Okay. I'll just take the regular
number three.
10.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
MCDONALDS WORKER
Just a moment and I'll have your total .
. .
GEORGE
Can we get that on separate checks?
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. GEORGE'S CAR. NIGHT.
The car pulls away from the McDONALDS. KRAMER sits in the
back seat eyeing his pie. JERRY is finishing his salad.
GEORGE
I just know that didn't come out right.
JERRY
Well who told you to make him separate
the checks?
GEORGE
It never works out right if you get only
one receipt and you try to pay for what
you got. There always ends up being one
extra item which no one remembers
ordering.
JERRY
You're right. This worked out so much
better.
GEORGE shoots JERRY a glance.
JERRY (cont’d)
Anyway, if you're going to ask for
separate checks, you should at least do
it before you order anything. That way
the person at least knows what they're
getting into.
KRAMER looks up from his pie.
KRAMER
That's the proper etiquette.
GEORGE
We should have gone in. It would have
been faster. I don't know why I even went
through the drive through. I hate the
drive through.
JERRY
Yeah, you and Joe Pesci.
11.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
KRAMER
Maybe we should get a movie tonight.
JERRY cracks into his box of cookies.
GEORGE
I can't believe you're eating those . . .
JERRY
You don't like McDonald land cookies?
KRAMER stops before he can take a bite of his pie.
KRAMER
How can you not love the cookies?
GEORGE
I like the cookies. It's just a matter of
principle . . .
JERRY
How can you have too much principle to
eat a cookie?
KRAMER
Yeah, it's just a cookie.
GEORGE
You want to know why? It's because of
what they did to Grimace.
Again, KRAMER is stopped before he can take a bite of his
pie.
KRAMER
What'd they do to Grimace?
GEORGE
Don't pretend you don't know! Everyone
knows about the Grimace Conspiracy!
JERRY
Cliff Claven, what are you talking about,
now?
GEORGE
First they cut off his arms . . .
JERRY retrieves a GRIMACE cookie from the box.
JERRY
What are you talking about? Look! He's
got his arms.
12.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
GEORGE
Sure, he's got one pair, but what about
the other?
KRAMER
Are you saying that Grimace used to have
two sets of arms?
KRAMER waves his pie around in disbelief.
GEORGE
Am I the only one who remembers this?
One day Grimace has four arms, and then
they turn around, cut off a pair, and
pretend like nothing ever happened! Look!
You can still see where his other arms
used to be!
KRAMER grabs the cookie from JERRY'S hand.
KRAMER
Let me see that! He's right! There are
scars from his other arms. They butchered
poor Grimace!
JERRY grabs the cookie back from KRAMER.
JERRY
Give me that! Those aren't scars! Those
are pockets for his shakes!
KRAMER considers JERRY'S theory for a second. He snaps his
fingers with his own theorem:
KRAMER
Maybe they were arms which evolved into
pockets!
JERRY
Natural selection does not provide for
arms becoming pockets!
KRAMER
How do you know? Case in point: the
Kangaroo!
JERRY
That's not a pocket, it's a pouch.
There's a big difference, you know!
KRAMER shakes his pie at JERRY.
13.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
KRAMER
I don't recall seeing your name on the
roster of the SS. Beagle. I think that's
a clear cut case of a species evolving
for it's betterment.
JERRY
It's not a pocket. It's a pouch.
GEORGE
A fact's a fact.
JERRY
Not when it comes from Time/Life books it
isn't!
The car slows to a yellow light. It is the fist car at the
intersection.
KRAMER
What's wrong with Time/Life books? I've
got kitchens and Bathrooms.
GEORGE
Bob Villa is a carpentry genius!
JERRY
What the hell's a carpentry genius? If
that isn't an oxymoron, I don't know what
is.
GEORGE
The man can cut wood like no one I've
ever seen! He's like a surgeon.
KRAMER
I bet if he'd amputated Grimaces arm,
there wouldn't even be those scars left
as a macabre reminder.
GEORGE
The point isn't that they cut off
Grimaces arms, it's that they tried to
hoodwink the American People and pretend
that nothing ever happened! Did they
think we wouldn't remember?
JERRY
Grimace never had four arms!
The light turns green and GEORGE pulls into the intersection.
14.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
GEORGE
They've even brainwashed poor Jerry!
Poor Yorick! I knew him well!
In the back seat KRAMER prepares to take his first bite of
his pie.
JERRY
That allusion doesn't fit. Hey look out!
A car trying to run the light careens into GEORGE'S car.
Another car, coming in the opposite direction, hits the
perpetrator's car. When the cars come to a rest, GEORGE looks
over to the car which hit him.
GEORGE
Wouldn't you know it? A girl runs into my
car.
JERRY
With your luck you'll probably start
dating her.
GEORGE
Very funny.
GEORGE looks at her through her spider-webbed windshield.
GEORGE (cont’d)
She does look kinda cute . . .
JERRY rolls his eyes. GEORGE tries his door.
GEORGE (cont’d)
It's jammed. I'm going to have to go out
your door.
JERRY
In that case, I'll get out. You coming,
Kramer?
KRAMER is in the back seat crying.
JERRY (cont’d)
What's wrong, Kramer? You're not hurt are
you?
KRAMER
I dropped my pie!
CUT TO:
15.
CONTINUED:
EXT. THE STREET. NIGHT.
GEORGE and JERRY get out of the car and go around to the
other vehicle. The DRIVER is slumped over the steering wheel
without a seat belt on. Slowly KEITH HERNANDEZ gets out of
the third car.
JERRY
Hey, look! It's Keith Hernandez!
KEITH
Is that you, Jerry?
CUT TO:
GEORGE at car side. The other driver stirs.
GEORGE
Excuse me, miss, but this is exactly why
you're supposed to wear a seat belt.
Seat belts save lives.
The DRIVER looks up to reveal that it is really a man dressed
as a woman. GEORGE draws back at the revelation.
CUT TO:
KRAMER walks past KEITH and JERRY who are talking. JERRY
notices him.
JERRY
Did you call for an ambulance?
KRAMER
Yeah.
KRAMER continues without stopping.
KEITH
What's wrong with Kramer?
JERRY
He dropped his pie when the cars hit.
KEITH
It wasn't key lime pie, was it?
JERRY
No, it was just apple.
The two men stand in awkward silence for a moment.
CUT TO:
16.
(CONTINUED)
GEORGE leans against the transvestite's car.
GEORGE
You know, this isn't a bad accident. We
got Keith Hernandez here, three cars, all
of which are probably totaled. You know,
if I wasn't already in this accident, I'd
probably pull over to check it out.
CUT TO:
JERRY and KEITH remain silent for a moment.
JERRY
I haven't seen you down at the club in a
while . . .
KEITH
That's funny, that was just where I was
heading when all of this happened . . .
JERRY
Oh? Really?
CUT TO:
An ambulance and two police cars pull up to the scene. Two
PARAMEDICS walk over to the wreckage.
GEORGE
Maybe they'll use the jaws of life to get
you out. That'd be exciting.
The Transvestite looks at GEORGE with eyes filled with
wonderment.
CUT TO:
The FIRST POLICEMAN approaches JERRY and KEITH.
POLICEMAN
Did either of you two see what happened?
JERRY
Sort of, I was in that car . . .
KEITH
And I was in that car . . .
KEITH and JERRY point to their respective cars.
CUT TO:
17.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
The Transvestite of the wrecked car is now laying on a
stretcher. GEORGE is crouched beside him. In the background
we can see KEITH, JERRY, and the POLICEMAN talking.
GEORGE
You don't ever wear cowboy boots with a
skirt, do you?
Again the Transvestite looks up at GEORGE with eyes filled
with wonderment.
CUT TO:
A second POLICEMAN is listening to KRAMER and taking notes.
KRAMER
And that's when I dropped my pie!
KRAMER breaks down.
CUT TO:
JERRY and KEITH are still talking to the POLICEMAN.
JERRY
Well, the light turned green, and we
entered the intersection . . .
KEITH
At the same time, I entered from the
other direction.
CUT TO:
GEORGE alongside the stretcher.
GEORGE
What do you mean, Grimace never had four
arms? You're crazy if you don't think
Grimace ever had four arms. Everyone
knows he did!
The Transvestite reaches up and begins to strangle GEORGE.
The PARAMEDICS rush over and try to free GEORGE.
CUT TO:
JERRY, KEITH, and the POLICEMAN.
18.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
JERRY
Glad to see you're making friends, there,
Georgie-boy. Now see if you can say, "It
was the Dukes! It was the Dukes!"
CUT TO:
After a moment GEORGE is finally freed from the Transvestites
grasp.
CUT TO:
JERRY, KEITH and the two POLICEMEN.
JERRY (cont’d)
This is just too much fun. Usually you
have to go to Wrestlemania to see
anything this good . . .
JERRY and KRAMER wander off to check on GEORGE.
KRAMER
She's got one hell of a grip!
The first POLICEMAN turns to KEITH before motioning to
GEORGE.
POLICEMAN
Who's the chucker?
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT. DAY.
ELAINE is sitting on the couch. She is wearing a skirt and
cowboy boots. JERRY is fixing himself a bowl of cereal in the
kitchen.
ELAINE
So when did the transvestite begin to
strangle George?
JERRY
I don't know. I just looked over, and
there they were.
ELAINE
Did he say, "It was the Dukes"?
JERRY
No, but I did.
ELAINE
Well, at least we don't have to worry
about George falling for her.
19.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
JERRY
We'll all sleep safer with that in mind.
ELAINE
So what are you and Keith going to do,
tonight?
JERRY
I don't know. Go to a movie, I guess . .
.
KRAMER enters with his usual fanfare.
KRAMER
Are you guys talking about Keith?
JERRY
Yeah.
KRAMER
He's a great guy.
ELAINE
I thought you didn't like him.
KRAMER
I didn't, until he told me about this
place on the upper west side that has the
best key lime pie in the world!
ELAINE
The whole world, huh?
KRAMER begins to nod vigorously.
KRAMER
Even Florida, and that's the Key Lime pie
capital, you know!
ELAINE
Wow!
KRAMER
I'm going to go there in a little bit, if
you'd like to come.
ELAINE
Sure, I've got no other plans.
The inter-com buzzes. JERRY goes over to it.
JERRY
Hello?
20.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
GEORGE
It's me, George.
JERRY
C'mon up, George.
JERRY pushes a button to buzz GEORGE in.
JERRY (cont’d)
Why don't you go tomorrow? That way I can
go, too.
KRAMER takes a golf swing.
KRAMER
Oh, don't worry. I will be going back,
tomorrow.
ELAINE
You've got that kind of turn around for
key lime pie? I mean, I like it, but I
could never eat it two days in a row.
I'd feel like I was on a binge, or
something.
GEORGE enters the apartment wearing a neck brace. JERRY looks
at him and rolls his eyes.
JERRY
New turtle neck?
GEORGE walks over to the couch and sits down near ELAINE.
GEORGE
Very funny. My doctor thinks I should
wear this for awhile.
ELAINE
I'm sure it will help you with the babes.
GEORGE scoots closer to ELAINE.
GEORGE
You think so?
JERRY
So what's the news?
GEORGE motions to his neck brace.
GEORGE
As if this isn't bad enough, it turns out
that the guy who hit me . . .
21.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
KRAMER
. . . Besides not really being a girl . .
.
GEORGE
has no insurance.
ELAINE
You're kidding!
JERRY
How's he going to manage to pay for your
and Keith's car?
GEORGE
I do not know.
ELAINE
Well, if life imitates art, the judge
will sentence him to be your butler.
JERRY
Or maybe she could be your maid?
GEORGE
You think so?
JERRY
Now, what would you want with a
transvestite maid who's tried to kill
you?
KRAMER stops practicing his golf swing.
KRAMER
Twice.
ELAINE
And he hadn't even known you for more
than a half hour.
JERRY
I do believe that that is a new record.
Even for you.
GEORGE
This is just my luck! Who, but me, could
get hit by a psychotic transvestite who
has no insurance?
JERRY
Yeah, what are the chances of that
happening in New York?
22.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
GEORGE
Well, that's not even the worst of it . .
.
KRAMER
It could get worse?
ELAINE scoots closer to GEORGE
ELAINE
This, I gotta hear.
GEORGE
I think I have a boot fetish.
Slowly ELAINE gets up off the couch and stands by JERRY.
JERRY
So what's wrong with having a boot
Fetish?
GEORGE
Are you kidding? I'm not getting it
enough to warrant getting it any certain
way. I don't deserve a fetish. I haven't
earned it. Don Juan: he can have any
fetish he wants. Casanova: any fetish in
the book. They've earned it. But me . . .
JERRY
You've got to take it however you can get
it.
GEORGE
I'm no John Travolta in Saturday Night
Fever!
ELAINE
Yeah, but who is?
JERRY
I bet Grimace does okay with the babes.
GEORGE
You think so?
ELAINE
I'd go out with Grimace if he asked me.
GEORGE/JERRY
You would?
23.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
ELAINE
What girl wouldn't date a guy with four
arms?
GEORGE
But he doesn't have four arms, anymore!
ELAINE
Well, maybe the Hamburgler's free, then.
JERRY
I never pictured you as one to date
McDonald land characters.
ELAINE
What are you talking about? I dated you.
JERRY considers the implications of her statement. He nods
his agreement.
FADE OUT.
THE END
24.
CONTINUED:
Blog Post Title Three
It all begins with an idea.
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
Blog Post Title Four
It all begins with an idea.
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.